As promised, here is part 2…

6.  LISTEN: This is important both for the mentor and mentee.  There is wisdom in those who allow and respect authority in their lives and are not above reproach.  Stay humble and hear your mentor’s point before dismissing it.  It may not make sense at first or it may never make sense but give it some time.  It is okay to respectfully disagree or get opinions from someone else.  A good mentor should understand this and not be overly domineering.  The both of you are fallible and should acknowledge that.  If they don’t respectfully listen to your point of view as well then there may be a problem.  Listening is essential but does not mean you must obey.  There is more than one way to skin a cat.  What worked for your mentor may not work for you so use your God-given brain to discern and realize what will work best for you.

7.  PULL YOUR WEIGHT: As already mentioned, most mentors are busy with their own lives and also are being mentored by others.  You need to put forth the effort to research and meet mini goals in order to build your mentor’s trust so they can invest in you.  Show them that you are serious and not just wasting their time.  Determine which relationships are formal and which are more casual.  For those that are more formal it may not be a bad idea to come up with a schedule.  For instance, ask them if you can write or call them once a month or every other month.  Pick a time frame that works for the both of you, that doesn’t burden or conflict with each other’s schedules and still allows them to remember who you are.

8.  DO NOT BE A VICTIM: You will run into multiple “haters” (i.e. doubters) during your journey so there is no room for you to become your biggest hater.  We all have obstacles in life but these should be used to build character not destroy it.  Don’t let your race, gender, beliefs or environment hold you back.  Don’t think you have it “worse than everyone else” because you don’t know what the next person had to face in their lives.  I’ve met children of medical doctors who I was tempted to think they had it easy but when I hear some of their stories involving parents who were always working and never around and the high expectations placed on them it changed my opinion.  Remember that there are others who have walked down your path and paved the way so find them and learn from them (even if you have to read their autobiographies).  If you are struggling with some issues and have someone you can trust as a mentor, don’t be afraid to share them.  Your mentor may be able to relate or empathize with you.  The earlier the better so you can deal with the obstacle and get moving.  Life won’t slow down for you and a mentor left in the dark may give up on you.

9.  STAY CONNECTED: You are the driver on the mentor-mentee bus.  A good mentor will likely check on you every so often but don’t expect them to.  Send your mentors updates once in a while to let them know you are serious and progressing.  Forming a network is critical and will help you throughout life in more ways than you can imagine right now.  Don’t burn bridges.  Also, do not feel as though you have to stick with one person.  A good mentor should actually point you to others as well.  You may eventually surpass your mentor’s ability to provide quality advice and may even become on par or superior in knowledge in that area but do not simply break that bond.  There is something to be said about the experience of the mentor.  Again, never be above reproach.  If you are wise, you are better off than a foolish king who won’t listen to advice.  Allow these relationships to shift as you grow.  For example, your parent(s) are often there and willing to provide advice.  However, when they can’t in a particular area, hopefully they will at least humbly respect and offer support.  They play a huge role throughout our lives but this role should not be static and must evolve.  Both sides must allow this to take place, otherwise issues will arise.  The same is so for an academic or career adviser.  Your role is to get to where they are and not always stay under them.  A good mentor realizes this and won’t keep you under their wings forever but trust they have provided you with what you need to know and let you fly.  It is your responsibility to keep them updated.

10.  STEP UP AND GIVE BACK: I have some amazing role models/mentors in my life but it wasn’t always easy finding them.  Innovative platforms are now available (such as www.diversemedicine.org) to allow many serious students to mentor others and be mentored themselves right in the comfort of their homes.  This doesn’t solve all of the disparities out there but provides a means to reach most backgrounds and socioeconomic classes.  There is now less and less room for excuses to be made.  We all serve as mentors already to our children, younger siblings or friends whether we know it or not but our reach can be so much further.  Especially given that there are many misguided teenagers out there, I strongly recommend you actively find others to mentor in your daily life.  Mentoring others also allows you to grow yourself.  It’s a beautiful thing to see someone give back.

I am more than grateful for the mentors in my life.  Again, I remind myself why this is the most important topic in life.  As I hear of the recent tragedy involving the young teen that was shot dead and look at the violence that plagues the Middle East I see so many missed opportunities to change the world for the better.  Even as I look on my desk right now I have a few books by inspiring authors that have opened my eyes in many ways and encouraged new paths in my life.  As I read through the book of Ecclesiastes this morning and made sense of Solomon’s wisdom I appreciate this topic even more.

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The feeling is near overwhelming!  Putting that long white coat on for the first time is like transforming from Clark Kent into Superman.   Here is the change: When you are wearing a short coat, nobody listens to you.  Put the long one on and they suddenly revere you.  Short coat, you’re just getting in the way.  Long coat, people are getting out of your way.  It’s funny how a little bit of extra cloth can change the way people look at you.  What’s even funnier is how it changes the way you look at yourself.

So, I’m going to speak the truth… us physicians can be arrogant people.  I mean, can you blame us??  When we walk down the hallway people literally stare.  They look at us as if we are superhuman and we can sometimes start to believe that.  But as soon as that coat comes off….”he’s just another guy.”  So what does that lead to, a passion for us to keep it on and relish in its power.

Our long coats give us the power to write orders!!! We order nurses around, order physical therapists around, and even order other physicians around.  But, worst of all, is the fact that we try to order our patients around.  Self-reflecting, I see how I get frustrated and mumble angry words to myself when a patient comes in with stage 1 hypertension and isn’t taking the medication I had prescribed.  Or even more annoying is when that 61 year old patient with coronary artery disease and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease won’t take my advice to put down the cigarette.  I mean, don’t they see that we are the ones wearing the long coat??? Why can’t they understand that we are in charge, not them??

Well, that answer is simple; it’s because we are NOT in charge.  What physicians often forget is that our profession is one of SERVITUDE.  As a young physician, this is something that I continue to struggle with.  My enthusiasm and desire to make my patients better is so strong, that I often forget I am not their Daddy.  The funny thing is that most of my patients are much older than I am, and I’m the one trying to boss them around.   I forget that I am here to serve them!

I have finally come to realize that my powerful white coat isn’t a superhero’s cape; rather it is a simple cheap piece of cloth reminding me to be humble.  It tells me that I am fortunate to have the opportunity to take care of patients in the most intimate of ways, and my job is to help them accomplish their own goals, not my goals for them.   When a patient doesn’t want to quit smoking, I feel as though I am doing them a good service by encouraging them to stop.  But if he or she absolutely refuses, I have no right to look down on them for defying my order because they are in charge of the Patient-Doctor relationship, not me.  I am simply here to serve them.  I’ll end by stating the motto of Meharry Medical College where my wife graduated from: The Worship of God through SERVICE of Mankind.  Ponder That!

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I will dare to make the claim that mentorship is the single most important thing in any human being’s life and hopefully I can shed some light on this assertion.  I must add a disclaimer that these are simply my opinions and observations on the matter but I’d love to hear thoughts from others.

Mentors.  We all have them and we all serve as them but very few of us really examine this in our lives.  Starting from birth, our parent(s) are invaluable mentors who shape our beliefs and environment but soon after we begin to form relationships with others.  Not long after that, the television and social media begin to influence us in ways we don’t even realize.  I always love and can attest to the statement “you show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”  Or even better, “you show me your friends and I will show you your future.”  This is so true but unfortunately too many people only realize this when it is too late.  I am not sure who coined the quote but I also find much truth in something I recently heard from Montell Jordan’s sermon; “If you want to know what lies down the road ahead, ask somebody who is on the way back.”

These are numbers 1-5 of  my personal suggestions on steps for mentees trying to develop a good mentor-mentee relationship.  I will post numbers 6-10 next week.

1.  SET YOUR GOALS: Understand what you are chasing in life.  This will set your standards and will be what determines whether you have succeeded or not.  Take a holistic approach at setting both short-term and long-term goals.  Some people are so fixated on their academics and career goals that they are still single late in life and regret passing up on Mr. or Miss Right.  Others become “too busy” for worship or their health.  It is important not to neglect certain areas in your life or you will never feel complete.  Realize that you must prioritize well but also multitask in order to be the one smiling at the end of the day.  Areas you may want to consider setting goals for are spiritual beliefs/faith, academics/career, spouse/family, finances, health, long-term friendships/networks.  It is important to understand how these areas intertwine as well.  Remember, you must allow “wise” people to counsel you while setting these goals but do not let anyone make these decisions for you.  Otherwise, you will be living someone else’s dream at your own expense.  You won’t find happiness there, I guarantee.  This is why I say set YOUR own goals, not goals for others.

2.  EXAMINE WHO IS MENTORING YOU NOW: Again, we all have mentors whether we realize it or not.  Furthermore, most of their influence is subliminal.  It is important that you quickly analyze who serves in these roles, remove and replace those areas where there are deficits before further harm is done.  Those who understand this principal will make something out of themselves while those who don’t will put themselves at a serious disadvantage.  Many of your friends should have similar goals.  It’s rare to find that chameleon in the group who can consistently party hardcore with the group and get involved in potentially harmful activities and still turn out successful at the end of the day.  Life doesn’t typically work that way.  Television and social media dominate our lives these days and it is a pet peeve of mine listening to people stating it does not influence today’s generation.  It saddens me to see that the once good (at least in my opinion) role models are being shunned and unapologetically replaced.  All of us 80’s babies remember shows like the Cosby’s, a Different World, Good Times, Family Matters, Full House, etc..  What happened to the two-parent, hardworking but still not perfect family?  It appears they were substituted for reality TV shows.  It used to be cool to want to be a doctor, police officer, lawyer, or hard working blue collared professional supporting your family but now-a-day people like Bill Cosby get stoned for speaking their mind in some arenas.  I was raised and influenced by mainstream hip hop myself but I won’t even get started on this topic.  I would only say that if someone tells you to buy a certain brand of clothing, do a particular dance, want to be like them, or treat others in a certain way (for good or bad) and you follow suit then they are most likely to some degree a mentor in your life.  It will be nice when there is again support for those actively trying to make positive changes in communities and it is okay to critique those who encourage negative actions.  I digress, but recommend you truthfully examine yourself and your surroundings.  Otherwise, you will be doing yourself a huge disservice.

3.  DO YOUR HOMEWORK: Research what it will take to reach your goals and have an idea of the mentor’s background.  Do not approach a mentor with an empty slate.  Come prepared.  Show them you have set goals and how you intend on reaching them but do not be inflexible in your plans.  Allow your mentors to point out how feasible things are and possibly alternative strategies.  If you want to become a medical doctor it’s good to have knowledge of the basics.  This doesn’t mean you should present your mentor with a master’s thesis on the world of medicine but have the understanding that med school is 4 years, residency is another 3+ years and then you may consider fellowship.  Be able to tell them your motive behind this career choice and be ready for their critique even if it is not what you want to hear.  A mentor will typically want to know what you expect from them.  Think this through before approaching them.

4.  SELECT WISELY: Find mentors who you can relate to but they don’t have to be exactly like you.  In fact, it is good to be diversified.  You may have to step out of your comfort zone a bit, but this is good.  Have older mentors who can tell you what will come later down the road and get you connected.  Have slightly older/matured mentors who recently experienced what you have and let you know it will all be okay.  Have peer mentors, who share your same experiences.  Do not neglect utilizing younger or even sometimes less experienced people as mentors since they may allow you to learn from their choices and innocence.  Simply watching a 2-year-old offers something to learn (such as contentment with simple things).  There is no golden mentor because we all have our short comings.  You will be terribly disappointed if you make an idol of a person.  Each mentor will have attributes to add to the person you want to become and limiting yourself to a particular type of person may keep you in a bubble.  Try to avoid pompous mentors as they may always make you feel as though you are beneath them.  I recall one of my mentors early on forcing me to stop calling him sir because he was afraid this would fill his head up and limit my growth.  I definitely see where he was coming from although each relationship should be handled differently.  I have great respect for him still but I am better able to regard him as a colleague and friend.  Use your discernment to see what motives your mentor.  Are they someone who will mentor you due to their passion for helping others or is there a financial or other self-fulfilling aim that is driving them?

5.  RESPECT: Your mentor likely has a full plate just as you do.  Most students and medical professionals are also dedicating a lot of their time to work and family.  Be respectful of their time.  Again this is why it is good to come to the table prepared with specific questions and updates.  Don’t be too intrusive into their personal life.  They will reveal information to you as they wish.  I would avoid asking specifically about their GPA, exam scores, salaries, or personal family matters.  Also, avoid sharing too many details about your conversation with too many others.  It is a small world and word can travel fast in the medical community.  I can’t tell you how many times I have heard conversations med students discussed among one another shared with faculty and vice versa.  Another subcategory worth mentioning is being truthful and forthcoming if you want to maximize the benefits.  It may be embarrassing sharing some grades and scores but if you feel like it is worth mentioning to explain your situation then do not withhold or fabricate this important information.  This will will serve neither party any good in the end.

Okay, so I hope you understand my thought process so far and the importance of these aspects to develop a good mentor-mentee relationship.  Check back next week for numbers 6-10.

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“Trauma team to the ER, Trauma team to the ER,” erupts a flat voice from the PA system. It’s a warm summer Saturday night in NYC, and for me that means more people outdoors finding new ways to break their bones. As a medical student, the first piece of advice my senior resident gave me on my trauma surgery rotation was to take my own pulse as soon as a trauma activation comes in. Running down to the trauma bay hysterically scares yourself, the staff, but more importantly, the patient. So, as soon as I hear the announcement, I stop checking post reduction X-rays on the distal radius fracture I just reduced, take a deep breath, and start heading down to the ER.

As I approach the trauma bay, the sheer number of people outside the curtains signals intense interest. I can make out a flurry of activity just beyond the curtains and hear the trauma surgery resident methodically going through the initial survey. I carefully walk past the onlookers and open up the curtains and find myself at the foot of the stretcher. “Are you ortho?!” I nod to the resident as I look at the patient, a thirty-something year old male lying on an orange backboard with a cervical collar around his neck. Quickly, I’m drawn to the obvious deformity at his left femur, and his right ankle was pointing at a grotesque angle with the bone almost poking out of the skin. “So this is a 34-year-old motorcycle versus car, helmeted, no loss of consciousness. Only injuries appear to be ortho-related.” Motorcyclists keep trauma and transplant surgeons in business, unfortunately. However, I could already tell that this guy, aside from his lower extremity injuries, is relatively lucky.

I quickly try to reassure him, “Hey, I’m Dr. Williams, one the orthopedic residents. I’m going to do a quick exam, okay?”

“It’s my FREAKIN’ legs, dude!” he shouts.

“Oh, he’s also drunk,” adds the trauma resident matter-of-factly. Things have calmed down a bit now that the patient is stable. “Where’s the rest of your team?”

“I’m the only one on tonight,” I answer. Taking solo call was nerve racking at first. Being the only ortho doctor in the whole hospital and having that responsibility felt suffocating the first few times. But gradually, confidence is gained and measured in spurts of successfully treated patients. After confirming he had no other obvious injuries, I tell the patient about his broken femur and fracture dislocation of his ankle. “Ted, we are going to have to X-ray your left leg because it’s probably broken, but your right ankle is fractured and dislocated. I am going to have to put it back in place right now.”

“WHAT?! Naw, naw, naw, man! Knock me out, PLEASE!”

“I can’t knock you out, but I will put some novocaine in your ankle to help numb it up. After I put your ankle back in place it will feel much better.”

He frantically nods and allows me to proceed. I gather all the equipment and splint materials. Then I enlist an ER intern and a nurse to give me a hand.

“OK, first I’m going to put a needle in your ankle to numb it up.”

“OW!” He flinches. I get in position and grab his deformed ankle gently. I ask the nurse and intern to grab his knee to help me relax his ankle.

“I’m going to do some quick pulling, and then put your leg in a splint up to your knee. This will hurt a bit, but I promise you that once I’m done you will feel a lot better.”

I quickly pull his foot outward and feel the broken bones grating. He moans loudly, but doesn’t scream, the intra-articular injection is taking the edge off. I then guide the ankle back to its proper place and feel it clunk back in, and his moaning abruptly stops. Next I put the splint on and he starts yelling at me once I start molding it. After five minutes, the ordeal is over, for both of us. His ankle, now back in proper alignment, is less painful, but I’m now sweating from all the force it took to hold it in place as the splint hardened.

With his ankle fracture dislocation and probable femur fracture, Ted and I will have a couple trips to the OR and several more days to get to know each other. My pager goes off as I explain the procedures he needs in order to walk again. I quickly glance at it as I talk –6YO GIRL ELBOW FRACTURE FALL FROM MONKEY BARS–it reads. Yep, it’s summer in the city and I’m on call for another 20 hours.

Ted, a little more sober now from all the pain, reaches out his hand and says simply, “Hey, Doc. Thanks.”

Written By Dr. Phil Williams

Image Credit: Pixabay

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