That’s What Friends Are For!

“Show me your friends and I will show you your future.: – Anon
“Birds of a feather flock together.” -Ancient proverb
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time around.” -Jim Rohn
“Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good character.” -1 Corinthians 15:33

What do these four quotes mean to you? When asked by premeds for tips on how to make it to medical school, I always start with the tip I believe to be most important; choose the right friends and let go of the wrong ones. There is little to question here. Your friends will make or break your chances to reach your goals. The sooner you realize this and remedy it the better off you will be. I encourage you to list your five closest friends and determine which category they belong in (friend, associate, or neither). Here are some characteristics one should consider in this selection and elimination process.

1) Do they have similar goals as I do?  This in no way means that your closest friends should all be premed. In fact, I would highly discourage such a monotonous network. If you are aiming to become a professional (in this case a physician) then you may want to consider spending more time with people who have like-minded aspirations. There are many premeds I speak to who cannot appreciate what they are capable of achieving because no one around them has broken that barrier or has even set a goal to do so.

2) Are they positive thinking?  We have all encountered the “Debbie Downer” who constantly rains on your parade. While you don’t want someone around you who is overly optimistic and sugar-coating everything, it is good to have practical friends that offer a good balance and perspective of your challenges. A good friend should always tell you the truth (even when it hurts) but he or she should always aim to keep your spirits and dreams alive even during your darkest hour.

3) Is he or she looking out for my best interest?  Beware, there are many wolves in sheep’s clothing out there. A friend should be happy for you even when they don’t score quite as high as you did. They should inform you of tips they picked up from others and not keep you in the dark. In medical school, you will quickly become familiar with the word “gunner”. This is a descriptive term for students who are ambitious to a fault. They will step on each other’s toes, tear pages out of a text book so others miss out, and even befriend others simply to sabotage them. There are some premeds that behave this was as well so make sure to be cautious.

4) Is my friend focused?
You should not surround yourself with people who talk the talk but are incapable of walking it due to distractions. A focused friend will call you weekly to study. He or she will have short-term and long-term goals. It is always nice to have at least one “spreadsheet” guy or gal in the group. You know, the type of person who is very organized and goal oriented. A non-focused person will always tempt you with the parties and activities which will ultimately pull you away from your goal.

5) Do I feel like a better person when I am around this person?  There are some individuals we know we have no business hanging around. These are often the ones that your parents or significant other disapprove of. Be true to yourself. Is this person making you a better person all around? Do your other friends feel comfortable around this person? Are you constantly getting into trouble when around this person? Are your conversations primarily productive or counterproductive?

Again, I cannot emphasize how essential friends are in the successes and failures of premeds. This holds true for life in general. You must realize that you are competing with very bright and focused individuals. Surrounding yourself genuinely with the very best is just as important as ridding yourself of the bad influencers. I can certainly appreciate the quote, “if you are the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room”. This is a good indicator for when change is needed. Now, after all of this is said and done make sure you take and introspective look realizing that you too serve as a friend.

 

 

Written by Dr. Daniel

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