Diverse Medicine

Let’s take a walk through the woods, shall we? Imagine a boy who had no place to live. He walked through the terrains seeking shelter or materials to make a shelter from others but was denied. That boy got tired being a victim of circumstances and became determined to build a house for himself no matter the odds he might face. He searched through the lands for scraps and tools, and before the end of the week, he got a place to live. A place he built with his own hands. What did the boy do? He carved his own path!

It is no surprise that when all odds seem stacked against one, one does feel like a failure. It feels like the weight of the world is on one’s shoulders, and it becomes too heavy to walk again. The focus becomes blurry and the path to one’s goals becomes tangential to the circle of conundrums. Most premeds, myself included, are perfectionists. We like certainty; we have overarching goals; we do not accept any standards below excellence; we are fixated on our ambitions to save lives as physicians. But when the plans we make fail, for a split second, we tend to believe that we are not worthy of the goal we are trying to accomplish. To overcome that, it is important to acknowledge and do two things:

First, immerse yourself in the pool of those whose belief in you is relentless. We are our own worst critic. It does not take a lot of effort for us to inflict on ourselves the thoughts of inferiority. When all seem bleak, be expressive to those who care about you. Your spouse, parents, siblings, friends,and mentors. Many of them recognize that you have been working on attaining a specific goal your whole life, and quite frankly that journey has become a part of your identity in subtle ways. Just when you are about to give up and choose the second best, they are always there to remind you of how far you have come, of the undying confidence you had in yourself, of the passion that sparks in your eyes when you talk about your dreams, and of all the sacrifices you have made to get to where you are at the moment. That is when you realize that giving up was never part of the plan. Those people help you recharge your commitment to your ambitions. And from thereon, you must push on. When you embark on a journey, it is important to see it to the end rather than stop halfway. I will tell you a secret: There are milestones but never an end. So just keep going.

Second is to ask yourself how bad do you want this? Close your eyes, reach deep into the abyss of your soul, silent all the interruptions and noises, and honestly ask yourself: “Will I still be happy without materializing this goal?” It is okay to feel stuck and to be confused at different points in life. More often than not, the answers lie within you. You just have to take a moment to reach that level of sheer honesty with yourself. It is difficult but necessary. Don’t do it because every other person is doing it. Do it because you want it badly, and it serves the purpose you attach to your life. I have had moments of deep introspection that it brought me to tears, knowing that I will be risking almost everything I had financially to go into medicine. However, I would rather risk it all and know that I did my best than wallow in a puddle of regret later, wishing I had pushed a little further.

So when all seem bleak, you take charge! You take control! You find that person who has been carving his/her path all these while to emerge once again. You surround yourself with people who care about you and your dreams because they help you find your path and direction. It is natural to take flight at the sight of the slightest risk or failure, but we must always come back to fight and safeguard those treasured dreams that we have held so close to our heart all along.