I could see a downpour of heavy rain obscuring the already predicted bleak future. I could hear thunderstorms roaring through the space we stood. I saw a dark cloud hovering over his head, informing of an impending end. Yet, he sees the light, the positives, the dreams, the ebullient past, the joyful present, and the glistening future. He is the epitome of hope.

I cannot describe perfectly in words what I saw today at the hospital I shadowed at. Doctors are pretty good at guarding their emotions but this experience blows away all guards. Every fettered emotion cut loose. I walked into the room after the case briefing by the physician and I was welcomed by the grim odiferous air that swam through my nostrils for 10 seconds. The discomfort could have been longer but my gaze fell at this little 5 years old boy laying on the bed, snoring loudly. His face and all his body parts were swollen like there is a stream of water flowing through him begging for an escape. During the briefing, the doctor said that the patient nearly drowned in a swimming pool. He was saved but he lost his life at the same time. He cannot move, eat, or talk. The patient’s father walked back and forth from his bag where he had numerous medical supplies to the bed where his baby lied. He was cleaning up his excretions and suctioning mucous from his baby’s tracheostomy tube. A drip of sweat from the father’s face fell on the patient. He smiled and said to his son, “sorry baby.” As the doctor was updating his profile, the father began to talk about his son to me and the third-year medical student on her clinical rotation. We listened to his story for close to 20 minutes. He recounted how his son was not born this way. 

In brief, he said that his son fell into a swimming pool in their apartment complex. He could not swim, so he sunk to the bottom of the pool. A neighbor noticed a kid under the water and dragged him from the bottom of the pool. CPR was performed on him before he was taken to the emergency room. That was when life took a turn for his family. Since then, he has been battling infections, has had several device replacements, and has suffered from different ailments week after week. But for now, he is thankful that his son is stable. He talked about his son’s favorite games, and how he would jump around the house playing. He caressed the son’s head and said, “that’s my little boy.” He mentioned that they will be ordering another breathing device to support him from California. He is going to take him to watch the band because today is his fifth birthday. He talked about how goofy his son was. As I looked at his son, I came back to reality. He is motionless but breathing. As we exited the room, I had an inexplicable feeling. The doctor asked if I had any question about his case and without any conscious thought, I mouthed, “When will he be back to normal?” The doctor said that if he survives further infections and seizures, he will be like that for the rest of his life. I put on a confusing look and the doctor knew that I was also surprised by the father’s demeanor towards his son’s condition. After a while, I smiled sympathetically when I realized that I had just witnessed the meaning of hope in its entirety.

The father was fully vested in his son. He pictured a life that is son was living before the incident had occurred. He knows every single device, every medication, every surgery and it details that his son had gone through. He talked to him even if won’t reply. He carried him in his hands even while his diaper was soiled. He joyfully announced it was his birthday and all the fun things they were going to do together. If that is not being hopeful through showing compassion, then what is it?, I thought to myself. He is the most positive person I have ever encountered. He is an extraordinary human being. This experience reinforced my decision to become a doctor. Even when medicine says, “there is no cure”, “he would not survive”, or “he has just two months to live”, there is something else that is so subtle and powerful that counters those facts. That thing I believe is hope. Hope is what brings light by breaking through a ceiling that ushers darkness. Hope is when one chooses to be the light in a gloomy and foggy atmosphere. Hope is when the reality is negated and the unexpected or the imaginary manifests. In essence, what we cannot explain becomes a miracle.

If you strongly believe in your journey, remember to keep walking on that path for as long as you can, the road might just take a turn that brings an abundance of unexpected bounties. My thoughts and prayers go out to those with terminal illnesses.

When the sunlight meets the dark cloudy sky, a beautiful rainbow emerges.

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